Since receiving the diagnosis of metastatic cancer, freeing myself from old wounds and hurts from the past is more important than ever. I appreciate how challenging this is. I have practiced forgiveness meditation many, many times; holding in my heart the intention to forgive and repeating phrases over and over. Old hurts and wounds can linger and significant traumas can take years of compassion, understanding and, frequently, professional support to heal. Forgiveness meditation is just one tool for the toolbox. The forgiveness meditation phrases below are ones I am familiar with. Others may come to mind that are a better fit for you. There is no right or wrong phrase. Always use phrases that speak to your heart. Forgiveness practice can be like watering a garden. Initially, the process of growth is underground and unseen. With time and consistent watering, the plants grow and blossom. So too with forgiveness. With an intention to forgive and consistent practice, the natural capacity of the heart to open with understanding, compassion and forgiveness can grow. For inspiration, I recommend The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World by the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu.
Practices for forgiveness of self and for others are offered below. If these practices are new to you, please begin with a mild hurt or misunderstanding and only later, with time and experience, move to more challenging situations.
FORGIVENESS FOR SELF
Begin with resting your awareness with your breath. Allow for your experience just as you are. Appreciate forgiveness of self is a practice that can take time. As you move through this practice accept your experience just as it is. If self-limiting thoughts arise such as “I don’t deserve forgiveness,” note it as thinking and let it go. If anger, sadness or other emotions arise, acknowledge them with compassion and acceptance. Imagine they are like clouds in the sky and continue with the phrases.
Become aware of your heart. Let your awareness rest here in your heart, this source of love, compassion, wisdom, forgiveness, healing. From this place in your heart say to yourself:
I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for whatever I have done intentionally or unintentionally,
in my thought, word or action,
that I have expressed out of my own pain, confusion or fear,
that has caused pain or suffering to myself or others.
I forgive myself.
With all my heart, I forgive myself.
I have suffered enough. I have carried this burden long enough.
I am capable of learning and I have learned.
I am capable of growing and I have grown.
I am capable and ready to heal.
I now open my heart to myself with forgiveness and love.
I forgive myself.
Forgiveness is the key to opening my heart and learning from the painful lessons of the past in order to move forward, to love, to grow, to heal.
I forgive myself.
Fully let yourself receive this message and accept and affirm feelings of healing. Affirm the ability to heal, to grow, to learn, to be forgiven. Fully receive the experience of forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS FOR ANOTHER
Begin with resting your awareness with your breath. Allow for your experience just as you are. Appreciate forgiveness of another person is a practice that can take time.
As you move through this practice accept your experience just as it is. If an unwillingness to forgive arises, welcome this experience with compassion and acceptance.
You can either continue with forgiveness phrases or, recognizing the pain of the situation, shift to practicing kindness and compassion meditation for yourself.
Bring to mind someone who has caused you harm or suffering. Let images and feelings come to mind as you are ready and as feels comfortable.
Become aware of your heart. Let your awareness rest here in your heart, this source of love, compassion, wisdom, forgiveness, healing. From this place in your heart say to this person:
There are many ways that I have been wounded and hurt by you in your thought, word or action. I feel the sorrow that I carry. I can be released of this burden by extending forgiveness to you as my heart is ready.
To the degree my heart is ready, I forgive you.
In the ways I have been hurt by you out of your own fear, pain and lack of understanding,
to the extent that my heart is ready, I forgive you.
I forgive you for whatever you have done,
intentionally or unintentionally,
in your thought, word or action,
out of your fear, pain and clack of understanding, that caused me pain and suffering.
I offer you forgiveness.
I have carried this pain in my heart long enough. I am ready now to release or begin to release myself from this pain. I realize you suffered greatly and out of your suffering and confusion, you caused me pain and suffering. To the extent that I am ready, I plant a seed of healing between us. I forgive you.
I affirm a capacity for healing between us. I am ready to open my heart to you in a new way with the intention to heal and free myself of any pain and to bring healing between us. To the extent my heart is ready, I open myself to my heart’s capacity for understanding and forgiveness. I open myself to be released of any burden of this pain. I forgive you.